Mona Lisa Simile

Alan Edwards pursues the illuminati

 

Eurostar bookings to Paris substantially increased in 2004. Romance in the air? Yes, but not the usual kind. Much of the increase came from visitors on a trail inspired by the romancing of Dan Brown’s block-buster "The Da Vinci Code."

The Louvre and St. Sulpice feature in Brown’s novel. The church has been thronged with "Brownies" eager to see a place pivotal to the plot. In Britain crowds have visited Rosslyn Chapel, another venue graced by the novel’s hokum.

Those who’ve read the fantasies weaved around Junia the Apostle won’t be surprised that people will believe anything linking the Church to a clandestine conspiracy, a key theme in Brown’s novel. Rather than despairing of the Da Vinci devotees, FinF should baptise this love of conspiracy theories and advance the thesis that FinF is, in reality, an esoteric secret society akin to the Priory of Sion. FinF will then become "sexy." Visitors will flock to Resolutions parishes (listed in FinF’s cryptic Directory) to decipher the Pa Kinson Code. At great risk I’ve obtained a copy of the Code and the shocking truth behind FinF can be revealed.

The trail begins in Gordon Square, the cult HQ, and immediately conspiracists will see the masonic connection (and therefore a Templar link) of a body which is "on the square." How did you miss this Dan Brown?

The next clue comes from the address, The Cloisters. "Brownies" will know that one has to get back to the original Latin and isn’t it significant that the Latin for cloisters is ‘porticus’, one of whose other meanings is ‘gallery.’ We’re at the Louvre in one linguistic leap. Book now for Eurostar.

The Louvre’s coded picture? Given FinF’s beliefs, could it be Veronese’s ‘Destruction of Sodom?’ Plausible but truth is rarely so simple in Da Vinci land.

Now the name ‘Forward in Faith.’ ‘Forward’ - ‘Avanti’ the name of Mussolini’s paper before his march on Rome. The cult’s journal is called "New Directions" and we can now see that the direction being travelled is towards Rome! Cue conga by Council of Protestant Truth Society singing "The Sash."

OK, we’ve matched Brown’s book by proving FinF’s connections with Jerusalem’s Temple, Paris and Rome (great venues for de-coders - log onto Easy-Jet for the best fares) but our object is to get tourists on the FinF UK trail.

So we’re back needing directions - "New Directions" again. Just as Opus Dei members are committed to regular flagellation so FinF’ers are sworn to monthly reading of the cult’s journal. Its Editorial Board, its members being the cult’s ‘illuminati’, numbers TWELVE! Is that, or is that not, significant folks?

The Board’s president is Sara, meaning ‘princess’ and with princesses we’re into conspiracy theories big time - ask Mohamed Fayed if you still need convincing. Her full name is given as ‘Sara Low’ - seven letters - a mystic number. What more proof do you guys need?

The next three illuminati listed each have names containing thirteen letters, the number of imperfection, an indication that we should look beyond them. Looking down the list what do we find? The next name after the trio with numerologically unlucky names is that of a priest based at - wait for it - EDENham. ‘Eden’, the place of personkind’s origin. We now see that our earlier guess about the identity of the coded picture in the Louvre was off target. We’re back to good old Poussin and Arcady - the essential picture for all conspiracists. Dust down your copies of Henry Lincoln’s "The Holy Place" and this time make a Ryan-Air booking to Rennes-le-Chateau.

But there’s more. Can the name ‘Kirk’, next in the list of Editorial Board names be anything but a coded pseudonym? With ‘kirk’ we’re back in Scotland and Rosslyn Chapel! If that isn’t enough the clincher comes when we see that the pseudonymous ‘Kirk’ is priest of a St. Stephen’s church. Stephen the FIRST martyr; Eden our FIRST home. The proofs pile up and, what’s now good, is that getting to Lewisham and Edenham won’t be expensive - National Express currently has a Senior Citizen offer.

Finally the three mysterious figures linked to FinF, known usually by their initials, the PEV’s. Perhaps the initials stand for ‘Poussin est veritas’ but we don’t want another trip to Paris do we, and Kilroy-Silk has cornered ‘veritas’, so it’s time for some Bible Code. Provincial Episcopal Visitors? Who were the most famous visitors in the Bible? The Magi, the THREE wise men (or women, to keep GRAS and the Liturgical Commission happy), bringing their Gnostic secrets from the East.

If only one PEV area was called Glastonbury, but you can’t have everything. We’ll have to make do with journies to Richborough with its unidentified Roman pillar (awaiting de-coding), Ebbsfleet with Augustine’s Cross erected at the wrong geographical location (part of the code?) and Beverley - inspiration for Lewis Carroll’s Cheshire Cat. Carroll, like Leonardo and Newton has just got to have been a member of the Priory of Sion. Prove he wasn’t.

Happy travelling and remember, with Da-coding, there are as many possibilities as there are options in the Rochester Report.

 

Alan Edwards, a bookseller not selling ‘The Da Vinci Code’, begins his quest on April 1st

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