30 Days

 

ACRONYM

Bishop Tom Wright’s Anglican Communion Renewal Of New Youth Ministries (see 30Days passim) has inspired numbers of you.

Jonathan Brown came up with half a dozen efforts, of which the Anglo-Catholic Register Of Nubile Young Men was the most tasteless. Jennifer Swinbank’s Association for the Conversion and Rehabilitation Of Nymphomaniac Young Mothers also caught the eye, especially as she devised it whilst travelling to London to sing Evensong at St Paul’s Cathedral. Anglo Catholic Registry Of Naturist Yorkshire Monasteries from Peter Morrell prompted images in the mind which mean that 30Days might never be able to look Mirfield in the face again.

Christopher Daws, who, when he isn’t sending emails to 30Days, is Financial & Deputy Secretary at the Church Commissioners, offered the Association of Chinese Restaurants Or Name Your Menu; however, as it was one he had prepared earlier (for an after dinner speech) it cannot be the winner.

After much deliberation, 30Days awards the bottle of Forward in Faith champagne to Jonathan Brown, whose Anglican Centre for the Recognition of Ordinands Not Yet Men had the singular quality that it is clearly an organization that will come into being any day now. If he would be good enough to email us his address, we’ll pop round to the off-licence and the post office just as soon as we can.

Atheist news

It may have been odd that the funeral service for former Foreign Secretary Robin Cook – an avowed atheist – should have been held in Edinburgh’s St Giles Cathedral, but at least he had Bishop Richard Holloway for the preacher.

Not so inclusive

‘The secret’s out – the head of the Masons is a gay priest’ trumpeted a headline in the Mail on Sunday on 4 September. ‘In a move which astonished outsiders, the Masons installed 50-year-old Joe Morrow as their Grand Master… The Grand Lodge of Scotland has thrown off its secret hand-shake image by having an openly gay priest as its 108th leader,’ it continued. Morrow, a Labour Councillor, advocate and Episcopalian priest is open about his sexuality and admitted, ‘I have a huge passion for freemasonry… No organization changes overnight but it is vital we move with the times.’

Moving with the times was precisely what he found himself doing a few days later, when he resigned as Grand Master due to ‘a change in personal circumstances and for health reasons.’

So inclusive

The Inclusivechurch.net web site is so inclusive that with the three-click-rule there is a link to a site with ‘male escorts’ who disclose both the size and condition of their…well…condition, whether they are ‘top’ ‘bottom’ or ‘versatile’. If Inclusivechurch wants to be what they call themselves, they really ought to have some heterosexual links too. (As if.) Go to <www.inclusivechurch.net/link.html> where you can link to <www.lgcm.org.uk> and then to <www.gaytimes.co.uk>.

Situation vacant

‘The diocese and its people are ardent about social justice issues.’ So reads the Diocesan Profile issued by the Search Committee seeking a new bishop for trendy, go-ahead San Francisco – a successor to the Right Reverend William Swing. ‘Our current bishop has ordained more women than any other bishop in the history of our church and many women serve as rectors, deacons and lay leaders throughout the diocese. Openly GLBT clergy find support and appreciation in this diocese while Oasis, the GLBT ministry of the diocese, will celebrate its tenth anniversary this year. Many parishes have been working through issues of human sexuality well ahead of much of the country and value modelling how Episcopalians can accommodate varying views and significantly address social issues.’

The boasting continues: ‘An inmate at the Solano State Prison was ordained a priest in 2005… A new inter-faith high school, with a Jewish Buddhist as its chaplain, opened its doors in 2004 with strong diocesan support.’ Odd, then, in the midst of all this right-on guff, to read: ‘Unfortunately, our church suffers from an elitist and exclusive image that hampers our ability to spread the Gospel.’

30Days readers thinking of applying for the post will need to bear in mind that the Search Committee concludes by saying: ‘We need a smooth and skilled manager who can get to the core issues and make smart decisions. We seek someone who can delegate, who grasps technology and organization management and knows how to hire (and fire) people.’

All girls together

The pilgrimage and retreats page of the Grace Cathedral, San Francisco website is advertising Something New for Moms this Fall, a one-night ‘sleep-over for mothers at the Bishop’s Ranch.’ It goes on: ‘Moms work hard and occasionally want to get away with ‘the girls’ for conversation, spiritual refreshment and fun.’ Sadly, it turns out that the Bishop’s Ranch is not the episcopal palace, but just a boring old retreat house! Little chance to swing, after all.

ACRONYM revisited

Inveterate New Directions correspondent Patrick Morrow has left Westcott House and is now apparently serving a title in the Diocese of Lincoln. Despite being regularly ‘propositioned by readers of New Directions(whatever that means), he found it in his heart to enter the ACRONYM competition with an offering that was all too predictable, Anglican Christians Resisting Overdiscussed Newness Yet Mollycoddled. He didn’t win, for obvious reasons, but 30Days can’t resist pointing out that, had he looked in the mirror, he could even now be toasting us in champagne: Affirming Catholic, Recently Ordained, Not Yet Mature.

And finally

Many thanks to a 30Days reader who recently pointed out that ‘Women Priests’ is an anagram of ‘New Imposters.’

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