30 days

 

All tied up

Rum goings-on in the Scottish Episcopal Church, where the Revd Kenny Macaulay, Priest-in-Charge of St Andrew’s, Dumbarton, is reported to have purchased online various sex ‘toys’, including a wall-mounted bondage cross, an explicit amateur porn video featuring 50 couples, a bondage table (which he keeps in his garden) and a leather men’s restraint – ‘for role play, stage performance or any other fancy dress purposes’. Twice-divorced Kenny, 48, is quoted as saying: ‘People don’t like the fact that I’m getting married again when I’m divorced - and so is my girlfriend, Linda. But we’re a modern couple and we laugh at sex. I don’t do anything that the bishop wouldn’t approve of. I mean, I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.’

His approval ratings with his bishop do seem to have plummeted, though, as he appears to be undergoing some sort of suspension at present (although, of course, that may just be the handiwork of the luscious Linda).

Elastic Evangelism

Until recently the town of Leigh in Lancashire was famous for just one thing – a rugby league team. The season just finished was something of a disappointment, though, and ended with Leigh Centurions dropping out of the Super League (Played 28, Won 2, Drawn 1, Lost 25.) But waiting in the wings to cheer the good folk of Leigh up was the Revd Jan Harney, Curate of Pennington Church – ‘a lively Evangelical Anglican church’, according to its website. Ms Harney is the author of a new book, Unlocking the Door, which, according to the Daily Telegraph, ‘urges Christians to spread the message to their friends and neighbours by hosting lingerie parties’. She said that ‘she wanted Christians to relax, have fun and to get to know people before trying to convert them. I have not conducted a lingerie party myself, but when Bridget Jones was all the rage I know that some Christian groups were holding knickers parties.

‘To be honest, I am not sure what happened at those. Nobody has told me. But I have held chocolate parties, at which a group of us might watch a film on the theme of chocolate, or make chocolate sweets or play chocolate-inspired games.’ The Bishop of Bolton, the Right Revd David Gillett, said: ‘They are the modern version of the Tupperware party and they are a natural way for women to meet. They can lead to a discussion of themes such as Adam and Eve and relations between people and God.’ Full details of how to order Ms Harney’s book can be found at <www.penningtonchurch.com> along with a fetching photograph of the Curate holding up a pink lace thong.

Troil and Error

Excellent news from the Netherlands, where polygamy has been legalised in all but name. A few weeks ago the first civil union of three partners was registered. Victor de Bruijn (46) from Roosendaal "married" both Bianca (31) and Mirjam (35) in a ceremony before a notary who duly registered their civil union. ‘I love both Bianca and Mirjam, so I am marrying them both,’ Victor said. He had previously been married to Bianca. Two and a half years ago they met Mirjam Geven through an internet chatbox. Eight weeks later Mirjam deserted her husband and came to live with Victor and Bianca.

After Mirjam’s divorce the threesome decided to marry. Asked by journalists to tell the secret of their peculiar relationship, Victor explained that there is no jealousy between them. ‘But this is because Mirjam and Bianca are bisexual. I think that with two heterosexual women it would be more difficult.’ Victor stressed, however, that he is ‘a one hundred per cent heterosexual’ and that a fourth person will not be allowed into the "marriage." They want to take their marriage obligations seriously: ‘to be honest and open with each other and not philander.’ 30Days readers will wish them all well with this bold experiment.

InvertedChurch.net

Shocking news from the website of InclusiveChurch.net, which has been running a poll since October, 2004, asking ‘Which of the options is preferable in the outcome of the Rochester Report?’ The results so far are, er, not exactly neck and neck, as the following demonstrates:

We agree to the full inclusion of

women in the Episcopate? 100%

We do not allow any involvement

of women in the Episcopate? 0%

We allow for a mixed economy,

so that there are always men

and women available? 0%

Shame the total votes cast – in over a year – amount to just seven, which is surely an altogether too Biblical number for our go-ahead friends!

Aff Caths lost again

30 Days recently visited the Affirming Catholicism (sic) website, in order to check out how much the boys ‘n’ girls are charging by way of subscription these days. An attempt to download an application form failed and the message ‘The page cannot be found’ came up instead. It warms the heart to reflect upon the number of potential new members they might have lost! (As many as seven, perhaps?)

Bishop Kettle

Diocesan Communications Officers have just had their annual get-together - in Prague. The excuse is that it cost less than having it in Britain, which seems fair enough. But not for one bishop who, incandescent with rage (and envy?) complained of the DCOs, ‘These people are full of self-importance.’ Yes. That’s right. A bishop complaining that someone else is full of self-importance.

Family Fun

A service of music, dance and thanksgiving for lovers of Country & Western Linedancing was due to take place last Sunday in Truro Cathedral. The posters read: ‘Cowboys and Cowgirls in costume are very welcome as well as Cowdads and Cowmums’. Quite why the latter two categories (whatever on earth they might be) seemed to be encouraged to come without costume is something about which 30Days prefers not to speculate.

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