I want to be a bishop when I grow up [I]

A priest who must remain nameless writes to 30Days to say that, at a recent wedding rehearsal, he was approached by the bridesmaid, who told him that she was a server at her parish church elsewhere in the diocese. The previous week, she had been crucifer at the parish Confirmation – and so had had an excellent view of the Bishop ‘tweeting on his iPad in the middle of the Service’!

I want to be a bishop when I grow up [II]

Thanks to The Guardian for this cracker: It’s a tough time for business; even the business of religion. Recently, the Catholic diocese of Shrewsbury announced that, due to the economic climate, it would be necessary to make three people redundant. The way of things. But the diocesan trustees were far from happy with the decision, with five voting against the plans. A few days later, all five – four laity and one priest — were "released from their duties" by Bishop Mark Davies. Three new trustees – all priests – were appointed. All, coincidentally, voted in favour of the redundancy plans. So what happened? The old lot ran out of time, explains a spokesman for Shrewsbury Diocese. Their periods in office expired and they now have a rotational system. Really, says Anne O’Connor, a member of the Commission for the Promotion of Justice, Peace and Social Responsibility. "None of the trustees had any knowledge that a rotational system was about to be introduced and one of the trustees had only served for a short period prior to dismissal." All quite odd. Still, one way or another, the Bish is now rid of his turbulent trustees.

I want to be a bishop when I grow up [III]

A Forward in Faith priest wrote to his diocesan bishop prior to the recent meeting of the House, in order to assure him of the prayers of the parish. After the meeting, the bishop wrote a courteous if pastorally inept letter to say thank you (you may wish to read it more than once): Dear Fr J, Thank you for your recent letter and for the assurance of your prayers and the prayers of the parish of MR & T. We did our best at York by rejecting two amendments and accepting two others. These amendments were largely clarificatory, putting into words for the avoidance of doubt what we all thought we were agreeing to anyway. By doing so we seem to have angered some of the women, though of course that was not our intention, and to have delighted some of the Catholic party though equally we were not intending to do so. Please assure your parish of my prayers for you and please keep on praying through these next vital months. With my good wishes, Yours in Christ, +J

I want to be a bishop when I grow up [IV]

It’s off to Daily Mail Land for this corker: A Catholic bishop busted cavorting on a beach with a scantily-clad beauty has claimed she is just ‘an old friend’ and insisted he is still ‘devoted to God’. Argentine Fernando María Bargallo, 59, was left red-faced after footage emerged of him swimming and cuddling with the blonde at a secluded luxury Mexican hideaway. He initially denied it was him in the video, but later admitted he does play a starring role, and is now under investigation by the Vatican. He could now face being sacked from his post as Bishop for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Merlo -Moreno, a suffragan of the Archdiocese of Buenos Aires. Bargallo said he recognised the ‘recklessness’ of his behaviour and the ‘ambiguity’ of the film, which he claimed was taken in 2011. But he has insisted that the woman was a ‘very old friend’ who he has known ‘since I could reason’. He said: ‘The photographs are, in effect, from an encounter in Mexico where I coincided for various reasons, two years ago, with a friend from my childhood.’

In the interests of wholesome journalism, the Daily Mail Website has restricted itself to just nine photographs of the gorgeous, pouting beauty frolicking with the balding prelate who, even now, ought to be looking into his pension provision before it’s too late.

I want to be a bishop when I grow up [V]

Grateful thanks to PEACE FM Online of Accra, Ghana, for bringing us news of the International God’s Way Church and its Bishop Daniel Obinim, 33, most of whose followers apparently see him and refer to him as God or, at the very least, as an Angel. The Bishop is quoted as saying that his followers never doubted his divinity because of the signs and wonders that accompanied his preaching, but that they did start to accept his ephemeral humanity when they heard of his illicit and amorous relationship with the wife of a junior pastor in the church. He said he had not regretted having sex with the woman because that incident had turned out to be a bigger blessing in his life and Christian ministry. Interviewed on Ghana TV, the bishop was also questioned about his wealth: describing himself as a wealthy person with four cars and two houses even when he was just 22 years old, the bishop said many of the negative stories about him in the media were actuated by envy. But he was not disturbed about such stories because the number of persons who celebrated him was more than those who disdained him. The materialist Obinim claimed that he acquired most of his cash and property through gifts from persons he had prayed for who had "received their miracles." Making a case for his position, he said he recently received a cash amount of two hundred million Cedis from a church member whose sterility was overcome after he (Obinim) had prayed for the man’s wife to deliver.’ Two hundred million Cedis, eh? Nice work, if you can get it for, at the current exchange rate, that comes in at just under £66 million . . .

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