December 1996

30 Days

 

NAY. NAY AND THRICE NAY

An American correspondent, who attended the consecration in St Paulís in September, is very puzzled. When Archbishop George asked if everyone was willing for Messrs Colclough, Sentamu and Broadhurst to be consecrated, a loud "No" rang out from near the front. Was one of them a serial killer, a bigamist or a secret necromancer? We shall never know. In the best establishment tradition of dealing with dissent, it was ignored and the service rumbled on.

Very different from the U.S. of A. apparently...At the consecration of a divorcee, in favour of feminism, gay rights and abortion, Presiding Bishop Ed Browning allowed traditionalist objectors 2 minutes to state their biblical case - before ignoring it.

At the consecration of Jack Iker, a traditionalist, the same President Browning allowed liberal objectors to pour out a torrent of personal abuse on Iker and his family for his misogyny and wickedness until they had nothing left to say. This process lasted 40 minutes before a reluctant Browning proceeded to consecrate.

JESUS RETURNS

Fans of the Great British Musical will be dancing in the street at the news of a theatrical eschaton. "Jesus Christ Superstar" is back in the West End. Who could forget moments like the disciples under the olive trees?

"Iíve always wanted to be an apostle Always knew Iíd make it if I tried When I retire Iíll write a gospel So peopleíll talk about me when Iíve died."

Ah! They donít write songs like that anymore.

LIFE OF BRIAN

The recent heartless debunking of "St" Brian Redhead by his former colleagues at the BBC, in a recent documentary, has left a nasty taste. The suggestion that on frequent occasions, he was given to inventing episodes in his life has, however, not come as a total surprise to one traditionalist clergyman.

Discussing Brianís post-retirement plans for ordination he was amazed to be told.... "Itís a bit embarrassing really, theyíve sent me the ordinand's reading list and most of the books on it are by me"

IN HOT WATER

The perils of computer confidentiality allowed an intriguing insight into the government of the Anglican Communion onto the Internet recently.

The Bishop of Fort Worth, one of the handful of traditionalists left in high office, describes the following encounter in a letter to a friend. At a recent meeting of bishops he was relaxing in the conference centre "hot tub" when unexpectedly joined by the Primate of All England. Very soon "the Arch" got round to the burning issue. Did Ed Browning, Presiding Bishop U.S.A., realise how harmful it would be if General Convention approved same sex unions and ordination of practising homosexuals? The effect on the Ď98 Lambeth Conference could be disastrous!

The bubble-covered bishop assured George that Ed Browning was a driving force behind the gay lobby and that they were already confident of enough votes to overturn scriptural teaching.

Promising to "Have a word" with Ed, a perplexed Arch. headed for the shower with the parting affirmation, "Hope we can have bath fellowship again one day"

BENEFIT OF CLERGY

Overheard at General Synod two weeks ago: Commenting on the fact that wearing a Forward in Faith badge could clear a table of liberals in the tearoom in seconds a blunt Lincolnshire parson remarked,

"By heck this badge has the same effect as a dog collar in a brothel:" To which his quick-witted Manchester neighbour replied, "Oh! Gets you cheaper rates does it Father?"

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Our story about the northern cathedral which refused a traditionalist celebration has had an interesting sequel. The grounds for this refusal were given by different spokespersons variously as:

1. It would be divisive. 2. There was a flower festival that day 3. No-one could use the cathedral that day as the floor was being repaired.

The Dean of a completely different cathedral wrote a furious letter to a traditionalist spokesman in his diocese accusing him of a breach of confidentiality. By an extraordinary coincidence the Dean had used the first two same excuses in his cathedral. What he couldnít fathom out was who had ordered the floor repairs and rushed off to interrogate the vergers.

FIAT LUX

The Christian Road Safety Association has issued a new hymn book for believers suffering road rage or tempted to transgress the Highway Code. Examples include, to the tune of The Churchís One Foundation,

"Dear Lord we ask your blessing On all who use the road Remove road rage distressing To lives both young and old"

30 Days is happy to offer the following suggestions for liturgical development

"Ford in thy lane O Lord we go" "This is the Daewoo that the Lord has made" and "Honda victory side"

Please remember High Revs usually require a change of gear and do not close your eyes in heavy traffic.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS

Congratulations to 14 year old Emilia Klepacka, a pupil at John Henry Newman RC school, Stevenage. She has refused to accept her prize at speech day from Barbara Follett, prospective labour MP for Stevenage, wife of millionaire novelist Ken and close friend of the Blairs.

The reason?

Mrs. Follett heads "Emilyís List" an organisation that supports women who want to become Labour MPs and insists they must sign a pro-abortion declaration.

Emilia says she will not "accept the prize from someone who is anti-life and who discriminates against Catholics who want to be MPs"

The school has denied a press report that Emilia has been asked to leave and claims to be ignorant of Mrs. Follettís views on abortion.

Emilia may have forgone her prize for modern languages but we herewith award her the New Directions prize for courage in the face of spineless institutions.

 

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